Friday, March 27, 2009

More on "Luck" in Love & the Law of Attraction

“Luck is not a magical ability or a gift from the gods,” Richard Wiseman, Ph.D, writes in The Luck Factor, his 2003 book about the essential principles of changing your fortune.
“Instead, it is a way of thinking and behaving.”He insists that we have far more control over the element—and outcome—of chance in our lives than we realize. In fact, he argues that only 10 percent of life is truly random. The remaining 90 percent is “actually defined by the way you think.” “Lucky people create, notice, and act upon the chance opportunities in their lives,” Wiseman notes. If luck means being in the right place at the right time, he adds, “being in the right place at the right time is actually all about being in the right state of mind.”

law of attraction: responsibility


Ever wondered why some people are so lucky as to connect with the perfect person in their lives, while others seem destined to spend their days in the loveless hinterland?

While the Law of Attraction explains this unique occurrence in this way-you bring into your life what you think and feel about -other social scientists are coming up with their own language for the same phenomenon.

Colleen Siefert and Richard Wiseman, both Ph.Ds in psychology, refer to this occurrence as a luck factor and believe that about 90% of what happens to us is actually brought about by the way we think. They refer to it as…


Colleen Siefert,Ph.D, professor of psychology at the University of Michigan has been studying this phenomenon and has termed it, Predictive Encoding. She believes when you are thinking about what you want, and you imagine the situations in which this can occur as though they are really happening, you will be more likely to succeed in that which you desire.

In fact she says this technique will increase by more than 50 % the chances of this event occurring. You have encoded into your memory the reality you want to occur…thus she says, creating your own luck.

“Chance favors the prepared mind,” Seifert says, quoting Louis Pasteur. If you lay the groundwork, then when something happens by chance, your memory goes right to work and “you notice it for free.”

IMAGINE YOUR SOUL ABUNDANT:Attracting Success, Fulfillment and True Happiness

I call it the BE-HAVE-DO method

1.BE clear about your Intention - most of the time we think about what we do NOT want. Without realizing it, we can also be Predictive Encoding, what we do not want. Then, when what we Don’t Want actually happens, it reinforces that bad things always seem to happen to me. We need to to be aware of this thought process and learn to replace negative thoughts with positives.

“I am meeting the person of my dreams “…vs…” I am getting older and I do not think I will ever meet my soul mate.”

I now begin to see in my imagination or minds eye the relationship I desire. I imagine it , feel it , experience it, as though it is already happening.

An aspect of this encoding process not touched on in the Siefert article, (although alluded to in Wisemans comment, …about being in the right state of mind) is one I have learned through my teaching. It is the power of our emotions. Your emotions strengthen that encoding process, either positively or negatively. So my second step in the process is…

2. BE in the right consciousness - not only do you need to put yourself into an environment as Wiseman and Siefert suggest where you will allow these encounters to take place, but you must also be in vibrational alignment…the right state of mind. If you are feeling doubtful or fearful, you will not notice the opportunities that are presenting themselves, or you will see them in a different light than the person who is joyful and positive.

And lastly, you must be open to action…

3. DO inspired action - when you feel the nudge - move - as Siefert does in her story about meeting her soul mate at the dry cleaners.


Article by JUDY BERG, Organizational Behaviour Consultant

How to get lucky in love -- and other parts of life

By Ben Sherwood
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( -- On a Saturday morning, Colleen Seifert woke up early and ate her usual breakfast: half a bagel, fruit, and coffee. She walked her Russian wolfhound, Bandit, and tidied her apartment.

Don't worry, you can influence your own destiny. Step one: Smile.

Seifert was an assistant professor in psychology at the University of Michigan, and for six years her life had been entirely focused on a single goal: earning tenure.

She was a work machine, putting in seven-day weeks and sleeping fewer than six hours each night. Even when she left the lab, her mind was consumed with academic research.

"I couldn't walk into a shopping mall without feeling I should have been at work," she says. Her big indulgence was running errands on Saturday mornings.

On this Saturday morning in February 1994, however, her life was about to catapult in a new direction. Seifert's first stop was Pittsfield Cleaners, a couple of blocks away from her home. It was a splendid, sunny day, she remembers; the university was on spring break, and the streets of Ann Arbor, Michigan, were quiet.

She pulled up to the dry cleaner's drive-through window and handed over a tangle of clothes. The man at the cash register sorted through the items and held up a hot pink blouse.

"Is this a dress?" he asked.

"It's a shirt," Seifert said. "I wouldn't wear a dress that short."

The man had a handsome face, and dimples; he wore his hair in a ponytail. "If you've got it, flaunt it," he said with a smile.

Seifert was 34 years old with a Ph.D. degree, and it had been a long time since a man had even noticed her. Her 60-hour workweeks left neither time nor energy for taking care of herself. She was overweight and overstressed. She hadn't been on a date in more than two years.

Friends had tried to fix her up, but when it came to flirting, she was "out of practice." And yet when the man asked for her phone number to include on the dry cleaning ticket, she blurted out: "So? Are you going to call me?"

He looked confused but recovered quickly. "Sure," he said. "I'll do that." How to find and keep your soul mate

Flustered but "flushed with the daring" of what she'd said, Seifert drove off. She figured the man would never call, but it was thrilling to have done something so out of character. And then, around 7 o'clock that evening, the phone rang. It was him. He introduced himself -- his name was Zeke Montalvo -- and asked Seifert to go to the movies that night.

She said yes. They had a good time. It turned out that Montalvo was only 25 and hadn't gone to college, but the two started dating. Then they fell in love. And six years after they met, on a cold Christmas Eve at a house by a lake, Montalvo proposed with an heirloom ring. They were married the next month.

At the most unlikely time, in the least romantic place, Seifert met the man of her dreams. It was a random event that changed her life forever. A classic chance encounter. Or was it?

Prepare your mind for what your want

Seifert's academic specialty is cognitive psychology, the science of why people think the way they do. And to understand what really happened the day she met Montalvo, she says you need to start the day before her trip to the cleaners. A brief history of chance encounters

That afternoon, in her office, she had received a bouquet of flowers from the chair of the psychology department. The note read, "Congratulations! Your tenure has been approved." If someone else had been in the room, she might have hugged them, but she was alone, so she simply cried with relief.

After six years of single-minded obsession, her work had paid off. To celebrate, she went for a drink with a colleague that night. But even as she sat sipping her margarita, a feeling of anticlimax set in. She wondered if the achievement had been worth the sacrifice.

When Seifert awoke the next morning, everything felt different, as though a weight had been lifted. "I don't have to go to work today," she thought. Drinking coffee in her breakfast nook, she asked herself: "Now what? How do I want my life to go? How do I make something good happen?" She told herself that her future started today, and that there had to be something better.

She promised herself that in 10 years, she wasn't going to be alone like this. From now on, she would celebrate important occasions with a crowd of friends, not just one colleague.

All of a sudden, she had new goals, and she recognized that she would need to take specific steps to reach them. An introvert by nature, she decided to interact more with people. She would shake their hands, look them in the eye, engage in livelier conversation.

For Seifert, these weren't just idle thoughts. Through her research, she had come up with a concept she called "predictive encoding" -- the anticipation of when a particular piece of knowledge is going to be useful -- and it described exactly what she was doing as she sat at her kitchen table. Research has shown that most people aren't very good at recalling information -- or intentions -- when they need to.

For instance, you know you want to meet someone and fall in love, but when you're out and about interacting with people, you somehow manage to come home without having connected with anyone.

Though you know what you want, Seifert says, that knowledge doesn't always come to mind at the right time to guide your behavior. But if, when you're thinking about what you want, you imagine the situations in which you'll need to remember it, you're more likely to succeed.

Preparing your mind for a certain behavior increases (by as much as 50 percent) the chance that you'll pull that behavior off. And that's what Seifert was attempting: to prepare -- or encode into memory -- her plans to change her behavior in a way that might change her future. By imagining a new role as a "people person," she was giving herself a better chance of behaving like one whenever the opportunity arose.

Seifert isn't alone in believing that if you prepare yourself to make the most of chance encounters, good things are waiting to happen all around you. Other experts agree that with a few simple steps, you can significantly increase the chances of meeting your soul mate, finding the right business partner, or steering your life in a new direction.

That might sound unlikely or even naive, but there's real science to prove that while you can't control the randomness of life, you can definitely create your own luck. How to create your own luck

Why do some people find love at the dry cleaner while others simply move on to the next errand? Why do some travelers make new business contacts on airplanes while others just hunker down to watch the in-flight movie? By definition, a chance encounter is a random event.

Our actions, however, play a crucial role in the outcome. When we hear about people who manage to turn chance into opportunity, we think of them as lucky. But that explanation may be too simple.

Shake hands, make 300 new friends

Richard Wiseman, Ph.D, has spent more than a decade investigating why some people have more luck than others. A professor at the University of Hertfordshire in England, he holds Britain's only professorship in the public understanding of psychology. (That's his actual title.)

His job is to study the ways in which psychological concepts become known to the general public, but he's also conducted international searches for the funniest joke and best pickup line. A former magician, he has explored the role of chance in our lives and discovered that some people really do have all the luck while others are "magnets for ill fortune."

Luck is usually defined as an unpredictable phenomenon that leads to good or bad outcomes. But after years of experiments, Wiseman disagrees. "Luck is not a magical ability or a gift from the gods," he writes in "The Luck Factor," his 2003 book about the essential principles of changing your fortune. "Instead, it is a way of thinking and behaving." He insists that we have far more control over the element -- and outcome -- of chance in our lives than we realize.

"Lucky people create, notice, and act upon the chance opportunities in their lives," Wiseman notes. If luck means being in the right place at the right time, he adds, "being in the right place at the right time is actually all about being in the right state of mind."

In psychological terms, lucky people tend to be more extroverted, a word whose Latin roots mean "turned outward." Typically, they're gregarious. They have the power to draw others toward them. They're adept at maintaining friendships. And they cultivate what Wiseman describes as a "strong network of luck" that helps promote opportunity in their lives.

Ultimately, Wiseman believes, the bigger your circle of acquaintances, the more opportunities you have. A typical person knows about 300 people on a first-name basis. So if you go to a party and meet someone new, he explains, you're "only two handshakes away from 300 times 300 people; that's 90,000 new possibilities for a new opportunity, just by saying hello."

By the same logic, if you meet 50 new people at a conference, you're just a couple of introductions away from 4.5 million opportunities to change your life.

But handshakes aren't the only way to increase the odds of a life-changing encounter. Wiseman claims that 80 percent of the people who try to increase their serendipity are successful. It takes only a month, he says, and most people report their luck increases by an average of 40 percent.

A few keys to success:

Prepare your mind. Don't leave chance encounters entirely to chance, says Colleen Seifert. Instead, try doing a little predictive encoding and get your mind ready for good things to happen. "Chance favors the prepared mind," Seifert says, quoting Louis Pasteur. If you lay the groundwork, then when something happens by chance, your memory goes right to work and "you notice it for free."

Give chance a chance. If you always pick apples in the same part of an orchard, Wiseman notes, you'll eventually run out of fruit. The same applies to luck. Pursue an active life -- get out there and do things -- and you'll increase the likelihood of good things happening.

Go apple picking -- or grocery shopping, for that matter -- somewhere new. Eat your lunch on a different park bench. You never know who will be sitting next to you.

Relax. If you're anxious, stressed, or preoccupied, Wiseman believes, you probably won't notice good things waiting to happen. You'll walk right past money on the ground or miss an opportunity to speak with someone in a coffee shop. A laid-back attitude can lead to all sorts of possibilities, but you have to be ready to go with the flow.

Build your network of luck. Stay connected to the people you know, and try to meet new people. You can become more of a social magnet by paying attention to your body language. It may sound obvious, but make smiling a habit. "Remember that you are surrounded by opportunities," Wiseman writes. "It is just a case of looking in the right places and seeing what is really there." See how intertwined our lives really are

Colleen Seifert used to think it was "inefficient to invest in people you were never going to see again." Why chat with someone on an airplane -- or at the dog park, or at an academic conference -- if your paths were never going to recross?

But she now believes that "people are opportunities. The gift is in the interaction and the connection with another person, whether it lasts forever or not." And you never know where that gift might lead.

By Ben Sherwood from O, The Oprah Magazine, February 2009

Thursday, March 12, 2009

research d'jour:...drunk college girls aren't cute

research d'jour:...drunk college girls aren't cute... (well, maybe to that guy who makes millions on "Girls Gone Wild" videos, but not to college guys!)

Young Women May Be Drinking Heavily To Get Attention Of Opposite Sex, But Men Not Impressed

ScienceDaily (2009-03-11) -- College women may be drinking to excess to impress their male counterparts on campuses across the country, but a new study suggests most college men are not looking for a woman to match them drink for drink.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Finally, a New Orleans based Disney Princess! (shhhh, btw, she is black)


Disney Unveils Its First Black Princess
Posted By Marcia A. Wade On February 17, 2009 @ 12:05 pm In Arts & Culture 7 Comments

Tony award-winning actress Anika Noni Rose will give voice to Princess Tiana in Disney's The Princess and the Frog. (Source: Disney)

Playing princess is something shared by little girls around the world. But until recently, the most recognizable princesses worldwide featured in the Disney Co. franchise did not include one that modeled the skin, hair, and facial features associated with women of African descent.

Princess Tiana, the heroine of Disney’s new movie The Princess and the Frog [1], changed that when she made her debut Monday at this year’s American International Toy Fair [2] in New York. Starting in Fall 2009, the company will sell dolls, t-shirts, backpacks, and other products that feature the likeness of Princess Tiana, Disney’s first American princess who also happens to be its first black princess. The movie will air in theaters nationwide during this year’s holiday season.

“We did a lot of work internally to make sure that the product that we were developing would speak to a really broad range of moms,” says Kathy Franklin, the vice president of global studio franchise animation and Disney consumer products. “We don’t see Princess Tiana product as being just for African American girls at all. But we want little girls who have not seen Disney Princesses who look like them to see Princess Tiana and be thrilled that they have a character in our franchise who speaks to them and how they see themselves as a princess.”

Tony award-winning actress Anika Noni Rose will give voice to Princess Tiana. Talk show host and business mogul Oprah Winfrey will play the voice of Eudora, and Oscar-nominated actor Terrence Howard also voices a character in the movie.

Noni Rose says she was “thrilled” to give life to the first black Disney princess. “It has been a lifelong dream of mine to voice a Disney character and to have it be this one could not be more exciting,” she added.

The story is set in 1920s New Orleans. To prepare for the role, Noni Rose says she “listened to a lot of music of the era, watched documentaries, and read up on New Orleans at that time.”
Franklin describes Tiana as a smart, aspiring entrepreneur. “Her dream is not to marry a prince. Her dream is to open a restaurant. It is a dream that she has had from the beginning,” Franklin says.

Princess Tiana dolls will be introduced in several sizes and at several price points, which will be determined by the retailers. The dolls will include a standard collector fashion doll equivalent in scale to a Barbie doll, a Tiana toddler doll, a doll that holds a talking frog, and a doll set with Tiana and Prince Naveen, her tadpole-hopping love interest post-transformation.
This year the Disney princess franchise [3], which accrues $4 billion in yearly retail sales worldwide, will celebrate its 10-year anniversary. Tiana will be the ninth character, the fourth princess of color, and the first African American princess in the franchise. She also marks Disney’s first return to hand drawn animation since the 1998 cartoon Mulan, titled after the Chinese warrior princess.

Princess Tiana will initially stand alone and not be included with Disney products that group the princesses together until the summer of 2010 and after audiences have been fully introduced to her and her story, Franklin says.

“Collectors of first-of-a kind items and black doll collectors, in particular, will readily buy the Princess Tiana doll,” says Debbie Behan Garrett, author of Black Dolls: A Comprehensive Guide to Celebrating, Collecting and Experiencing the Passion [4]. Garrett believes that although most mothers buy dolls that represent their child’s ethnicity, the fact that the doll is the first African American Princess created by a company with Disney’s stature will help it transcend race and doll-buying trends.

In addition to toys, Disney will also introduce an extensive line of apparel, accessories, home d├ęcor, consumer electronics, school supplies, and personal care products inspired by the characters.

Princess Tiana’s preliminary debut in 2007 did not go over smoothly. An earlier draft of the story entitled The Frog Princess allegedly described Tiana as a chambermaid named Maddy.

This characterization was upsetting to some in the black community, who were indignant to learn that the first black princess started out as a servant with a name that, when enunciated closely, resembled the name Mammy, which was used to degrade black women.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Ultimate UK fan & Kentucky girl: Ashley Judd

"Sure, girls from New York.... they are tough. And girls from Georgia.... they are sweet. But those, born and bred, feisty Kentucky girls.... they are the ones you have to look out for. We have sugar and fire in our blood. We can ride a horse, be a debutante, throw a left hook and tell you the entire UK line up.... all while making sweet tea. And when we have an opinion, you get to know it. We're both the pride and the downfall of the bluegrass."- Ashley Judd

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

"First love may not be your best love," Michelle Atkinson, Southern girl, age 8

My then 8 yr old & 6 yr daughters accompanied a friend & I to the movie "Enchanted". It had wonderful puns, inside jokes and allusions to other Disney Princess movies that were intended for the adults in the audience...and maybe some very astute, precocious kids.

I encourage nice, Southern girls who are growing up or who are grown, but finding themselves, to see this movie! The Princess saves the Prince & discovers a lot about herself & her strengths in the process!

After the movie I asked my girls what lessons that they learned from this Disney Princess movie.

Anna, age 6: "Even if the boy WANTS to kiss you, you don't have to kiss him back."

"GREAT lesson!" I responded.

Michelle, age 8: "Mamma. I learned two things:
A princess doesn't need a prince to save her. And,
Your first love, may not be your best love."

And that is a WONDERFUL lesson for all princesses & Southern belles & recovering Nice Girls.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Kenny Chesney quote:

“Southern girls are God's gift to the entire male population. there is absolutely no woman finer than one raised below the mason-dixon line and once you go southern may the good Lord help you - you never go back.”

The Mythic Southern Girl

Southern Girls

Southern girls know bad manners when they see them:
Drinking straight out of a can.
Not sending thank you notes.
Velvet after February.
White shoes before Easter or after Labor Day.

Southern girls appreciate their natural assets:
Dewy skin
A winning smile
That unforgettable Southern drawl

Southern girls know their manners:
"Yes Ma'am"
"Yes sir"
"Why, no, Billy !"

Southern girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:
"Y'all come back!"
"Well, bless your little ol' heart."
"Drop by when you can."
"How's your mother?"
"Love your hair."

Southern girls don't sweat... they glisten.

Southern girls know their summer weather report:

Southern girls have more fun than should be allowed.

Southern girls know their three R's:

Southern girls know their vacation spots:
The Beach
The Beach
The Beach

Southern girls know the joys of June, July, and August:
Summer tans
Wide brim hats
Strapless sun dresses

Southern girls know everybody's first name:

Southern girls know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Gone With the Wind
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias

Southern girls know their religion:
SEC Basketball

Southern girls know their seasons:
Spring training

Southern girls know their country breakfasts:
Country ham
Scrambled eggs
Mouth watering homemade biscuits

Southern girls know their cities, dripping with charm:
Nawlins' (New Orleans - for those of you NOT from the South)

Southern girls know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler, of course

Y'all know Southern girls are quick on the drawl.

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Spa
The Salon

Southern girls can teach anyone to flirt...
Slowly lower your eyelashes
Listen carefully to everything he says
Speak r-e-a-l slow

Southern girls know the three deadly sins:
Bad hair
Bad manner
Bad blind dates

Southern girls know men come and go,
but friends are fo'evah.

The joke that started it all:

An old joke:

Three southern belles, in fact, sorority sisters, are in rocking chairs on the veranda, passing a hot summer day bysipping mint juleps and talking about presents that they got for college graduation.

The first keeps prattling on about her daddy, Beauregard, taking her on a tour of Europe. The third girl said: "That's nice...."

The second belle said her Daddy bought her a diamond necklace, and a new sports car. The third girl responded with, "That's nice..."

The first asks, "Well, what did your Daddy do for you?"
The third replies, "He sent me to finishing school."

The second belle asks, "Finishing school? What did you need with finishing school after college?"
The third replies, "That's where they taught me to say 'That's nice...' instead of 'Fuck you.'"